I want you more than these girls want KFC
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
