Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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