If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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