just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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