You just made me feel so damn special
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
