Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
