Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You may now shotgun with the bride
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
