marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
