Define "chronic" masturbator.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
