I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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