I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Alive.
So much puke
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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