I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
my poor anus
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
