Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
