Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
