Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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