He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
