This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
