I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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