Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
