I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
