Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
