so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
