someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
