I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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