I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
