The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
