I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
