batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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