I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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