I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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