is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
