im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
