I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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