Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I CAN MOONWALK!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
