and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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