she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
