Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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