I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
