My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
