we have officially lost it.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
