Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
