You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
