I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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