im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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