dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
