k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
