So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
