I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
