There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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