so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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