My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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