Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
