WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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