God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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