We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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