jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
