please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
